The greatest Q and A with tominhawaii that you probably wont read

A man of mysterious origins. The sole reason you would never let a child read Blazers Edge. A cold blooded killer with a cheshire grin and an insatiable bloodlust. Tominhawaii is some of these things and more. To get a deeper look into the mind of a man that you already know too much about read on.

It is a well known fact that Tom Metzgerr, leader of the White Aryan Resistance  left Oregon after losing a civil lawsuit over his involvement in the murder of Mulugeta Seraw in the late 80s. By my extremely rough calculations that is about the same time that you left Oregon. Due to the proximity of these events and your handle, it is not much of a leap to conclude that you are in fact Tom Metzger. Given this fact, how do you reconcile your hatred of minorities with your love of the nba, which is primarily played by minorities?

That’s a tough one.  I am a racist but I only hate haoles, who just happened to be a minority in Hawaii.  That is why I love the NBA.   Haoles are the minority in the NBA.  It is a pretty complicated matrix of hate, and it is one that I hope to pass onto my children.  Actually, I do not want to have kids, so I hope to pass it onto my neighbor’s children.

Many of your posts deal with you relationship with your Korean wife. These posts have a common thread in that your wife is portrayed as controlling and, at times, cruel. My question is how many of your posts are from you and how many are from tom(metzger)inhawaii(Korean wife)?

Khara’s not cruel at all; she actually has a pretty irritating mother complex.  It kicks in anytime a friend needs a place to stay or a hot meal.  If I want to eat a great meal cooked by her, then I have to invite someone over with cancer.  She knows almost nothing about Blazers Edge and actually gets pretty irritated with the amount of time I spend on it.  I used to spend all my time running a fansite for Dog the Bounty Hunter, until I found out he was a racist.  After that I lost all respect for him.

It is also widely known that you fled the great country of America for the cozy confines of Hawaii with its lax extradition laws after a series of incidents involving yourself and JR Rider. Many of these incidents have never been fully discussed due to ongoing court cases and sealed court documents. Now that you have nothing to fear from the government of the United States of America due to the iron fist of protection that Hawaii affords you, could you please expand on these nefarious incidents?

This might be a bit too edgy for Blazers Edge.  One time I was hanging out with some friends and the subject of suitcasing came up.  I had an older Nokia cell phone and wondered how many would fit in a “suitcase.”  My friend Poncho looked at my phone and said, “I could fit three.”

I told JR the story and he said he knew a way to get some cell phones to have Poncho prove his theory.  JR decided to make an event of it, and get enough cell phones for everyone.  Apparently it was a rotten supply of cell phones and they went bad on him before we could throw the party.

Which Hawaiian based private detective do you have the most in common with? McGarret from Hawaii Five-O, Thomas Magnum from Magnum PI, or Dog the Bounty Hunter? If you wish you could make a composite of all three. For instance if you have the barrel chest and accompanying chest hair of Thomas Magnum along with the front hair cut of McGarret while staying pure Dog on the backside.

I was born into a Magnum-esque family that quickly devolved into more of a white trash Dog the Bounty Hunter family, after we moved to Oakridge, Oregon.  So I guess I’m more of a Dog the Bounty Hunter with Magnum’s love of exotic women.

Which of the following uniquely Hawaiian activities do you participate in on a daily basis? Surfing while simultaneously holding a refreshing glass of Hawaiian punch, shimmying up a coconut tree with a machete in your mouth, or greeting airline passengers so that you may lai them. You may add to this list at your discretion.

I’ve tried surfing twice since I moved here, and realized quickly that you do more paddling than surfing.  I’m a fatty so surfing just doesn’t work for me.  People keep telling me that surfing will help me get into shape.  Those people don’t realize how lazy I can be. 

Being chubby also detracts from climbing trees.  Instead I just run at the trees and let my girth knock the coconuts to the ground.  Then I drink the coconut milk, which works as a natural laxative, to retrieve my cell phone.

Dave, the main hombre at BlazersEdge, is a man of god and serves him by ministering to youth. You, on the other hand are a man of the devil and your only interaction with kids is to sell them illicit substances. Do these differences in your lifestyle ever cause friction between you and Dave or does the hilarity of the juxtaposition keep things spicy?

That’s a good question.  Although I am a card carrying member of The Church of Satan, I did end up going to a Christian college.  That kind of puts me smack dab in the middle of Satan and God, which pretty much just makes me a man.  It gives me a nice Satan/God balance which is important in being sinister but not quite evil.  It is a balance I try to maintain on Blazers Edge to avoid getting in too much trouble. Getting in trouble is just a part of being me.

The cool thing about Dave is that he’s kind of like God or Santa.  You know he’s watching you so you have to be careful what you say and do, but for the most part he lets everything take care of itself.  I think Garth Brooks said it best, “Some of Dave’s greatest gifts are unanswered posts.”