Pritchslaps, #25, and Things.
I absolutely love the term "Pritch-slapped" It is a pure combination of finesse and power. I'm sure I'm not the only one who shares this sentiment. However, there is someone else who I think is getting the short end of the stick in all of this reverence. He may not be of the Pritch-slap status, but has been known to cause some draft day havoc himself. That man, my friends, is Assistant GM Tom Penn. He was Robin to Kevin Pritchard's Batman when it came to dumping off players to New York, and receiving trade exceptions, players, and picks from Phoenix. I'm sure he has even nastier tricks up his sleeve for this year's draft. You see my fellow Blazer fans, some of you have been right in assessing that the GM's of other teams may hessitate to deal with us out of fear (and justifiably so) of being Pritch-slapped. So we must unleash a new weapon...a weapon they will never see coming. That's right people. After the 2008 NBA draft, people won't just have the Pritch-slap to fear. They will also be fearing the "Penn-stab" Too risque for you? I suppose we could morph it into being "Penn-poked" Could you imagine the embarassament of Jon Paxon if he were to be both Pritch-slapped and Penn-poked during his tenure with the Bulls?
Next on the agenda...Why in the heck does it seem like so many people are content with the idea of trading Travis Outlaw away? He is our best bench player. He has improved every year. He finally had a break-through year last season. He is on pace to possibly crack our starting line-up at the Small Forward position. He has verbally said he wants to be an all-star. On his own, he has decided to take the initiative to work on his game over the summer and come into camp in tip-toe shape. He is one of the best athletes in the league. He has accomplished the success he has without any moves to the basket or ball-handling ability. He can get his shot off against anyone in this league. With practice, he still has a ton of upside to meet. When he gets it all together (not if, but when) he will be a huge huge asset for our team. So my question to the people who seem determined to out this guy is, "Who's your supplier?" I must join forces with Annthefan and #25 you to infinity. 25...25...25...25...25...25...25...25...25...25...25...25...25...25...25...25...25...25...25...
Finally, in the spirit of the first paragraph, what would be some cool "methods" used by players on our roster or Blazer staff we could think up that would be used to describe the way they'd enforce their will on people? We have Pritch-slapped and now we have Penn-poked, but what else can you think of? Come on people, it's the summer and it's slow posting around here. Let's have some fun. For example, if Brian Wheeler were our GM, we could say that people got "Wheeled-over". If Oden dunked on someone, we could say they've been "Odenized" If Von Wafer his way, I suppose you could say that they got Wafered, or perhaps "Crisped." Come up with your best stuff. We need to start some new trends.
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Comments
The Penn is mightier than the sword
Tom Penn made ‘Penne pasta’ out of his enemies.
From all reports, it sounds like adding Tom Penn was a great move. We not only got a perfect young core of players, we got a perfect young core in the front offices as well. And since Tom Penn is a numbers and money and legal loophole guy, I don’t think we have to worry about losing him to another team to become the real GM. I might be wrong, but his talents seem suited to his great assistant position.
(I fully admit I do not know how good he is at evaluating players, just his skill with finding smart ways to use the money and work within the salary cap to our advantage)
Now Outlaw comes up in trade ideas because he is our best “available” player. It’s the summer, people get restless. Also, it’s not like Outlaw is perfect. He has lots more room to improve, and while he should get a lot better (we hope) he still has some great leaps to make with his defense and BB-IQ before he becomes a ‘keep at all costs’ player. Right now his contribution is scoring, and we will likely have enough of that in the long run.
If, unfortunately, he does NOT improve much, then right now could be the best time to sell high. He is long on potential, short on actual all-round game, and he could be traded for someone better for us because he is so athletic and his potential so high.
I don’t wanna trade him, just explaining why he comes up so much in trade rumors. It’s also a good thing; means we know people want him. Remember back when we just tried to make up reasons why someone would be dumb enough to take Z-Bo’s contract in a trade? It’s nice to have zero bad contracts and all good, valuable players.
While I’m in the ‘wait and see how everyone improves and how they play with Oden’ camp, if a deal came up where we could get a Devin Harris or Teyshaun Prince and it cost us an Outlaw, I couldn’t imagine KP not pulling the trigger. Even if Outlaw becomes a 20+ per game scorer, the move would elevate us into contender status almost immediately (provided Oden is Oden, of course).
Hmm, player dominance puns…
If Sergio steals the ball, we could say he ROBriguezed the other team.
And, I’m spent.
Mortimer
by Mortimer on Jun 15, 2008 1:03 AM PDT 0 recs
Once Again..
Mortimer negates 250 posts in one. In a good way. Sorta.
"Well, Travis just showed us that we can go to Travis Outlaw." - Nate McMillan
by 12sharks on
Jun 15, 2008 2:01 AM PDT
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Outlaw isnt perfect?
Yea but who is? Travis is a perfect fit for this team. Good guy, fair contract, team player, fan favorite (at least a couple of us) and Im getting tired of constantly pointing out what a fantastic person Trout is to have on the team. No trade will compensate for the intangibles he brings to the floor. The PTB havent brought Travis along slowly in order to see him turn the corner and trade him. Not even for those guys (just my thoughts Mortay)
If you dont talk to your cats about catnip, who will?
by bow4meow on
Jun 15, 2008 10:11 AM PDT
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On a team that emphasizes defense
I do not want to lose Travis. Maybe he learns to play defense and I trust he will continue to improve his outside shooting. But if we can add a shooter who plays great defense (Rush?) then Travis might be expendable. The question can be turned around for Travis and asked: What is best for Travis – playing 10 minutes a game as instant offense or going somewhere as a starter? He is good enough to start for a bunch of teams right now. Would a team give up a starter to get him? I would think some might if they need his offense at the 3. Now I am one who preaches patience and so I hope we hold another year to see.
The biggest limits Portland has in the coming years are roster spots (15) and minutes. Having endured all those years of whining by players who were not getting the minutes their skills should provide on many teams I am cautious of repeating the same scenario. Culture can only go so far.
Should we draft Brandon we will see he can score in a rush and call the resulting 15-2 runs: a Rush to Judgment.
Should Channing get his mojo on he can Frye a big trying to guard him on the perimeter (Fryed).
Nice for Tom Penn to get some love.
Aldridge said. "We feel like we can beat any team. We feel like we can beat the Spurs, Suns, Lakers, Mavericks, whoever any night right now, and we'll still be here when those teams get old and their guys retire. We're going to be here for a long time."
by lee3022 on
Jun 15, 2008 4:35 PM PDT
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Clarification
Sorta: Mostly a good way.
"Well, Travis just showed us that we can go to Travis Outlaw." - Nate McMillan
by 12sharks on Jun 15, 2008 2:07 AM PDT 0 recs
Aw Crap
I seem to always forget to hit ‘reply’ before commenting (apparently even to my own comments).
While I have the conch:
Penn-Ultimate(d), Penn-Icilined, Quilled, Pennt-Up, Penn-Demoniumed, Penn-Piped, Penn-Creased (like “Pancreas(ed)”)?
I guess Penn-Sylvaniaed doesn’t work.
"Well, Travis just showed us that we can go to Travis Outlaw." - Nate McMillan
by 12sharks on Jun 15, 2008 2:13 AM PDT 0 recs
Tom Penn
Gives his enemies PENNt up anger from his wily schemes!
Etc and so forth.
Mortimer
by Mortimer on
Jun 15, 2008 2:54 AM PDT
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Hmmm
If LaMarcus were our GM, we could say the other guy got…wait for it…. LaMUCUSED.
(dodging rotten tomatoes)
Jarrett’s cool tag could be “aww, X got Jacked up!” which actually makes sense and is several layers better than LaMucused.
Approaching the barrier of good taste at high speed, I think it is only right that McRoberts’ GM triumphs be referred to as Bob-jobbing. “Did you guys see the Bob-job that was making the rounds on the Internet the other day? Awesome!”
(Expecting this post to be gone when Dave wakes up)
by BlazersOrBust on Jun 15, 2008 2:29 AM PDT 0 recs
Hillarious stuff.
nuff said.
Can I buy you a fish sandwich?
by silkybrown on
Jun 15, 2008 3:01 AM PDT
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Hilarious
I have a double-degree in Creative Writing, and English Lit. No one tops that. Hilarious!
life is like a bank, you can only take out as much as you put in. -Cal Ripken Sr.
by winnerwinner on
Jun 15, 2008 8:39 AM PDT
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The next question...
If you are the other GM. you are going to take it in the shorts, er,...chin, one way or the other. so the question of the morning is:
Would you rather be Pritch – Slapped, or Bob Jobbed?
Remember Bob is male, of course..
life is like a bank, you can only take out as much as you put in. -Cal Ripken Sr.
by winnerwinner on
Jun 15, 2008 8:40 AM PDT
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Nope
Hilarious is what you would call President Hillary if she put in practice the “unitary executive” theory.
Emporer Hilarious Clintonius, that is.
by Love on
Jun 15, 2008 12:39 PM PDT
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Penn-Shunned
I would recommend this post again if I could.
"Well, Travis just showed us that we can go to Travis Outlaw." - Nate McMillan
by 12sharks on Jun 15, 2008 4:08 AM PDT 0 recs
Pennified?
"lowest common denominator - every time I think you hit rock bottom you sink it deeper into the shale" -- bow4meow
by tominhawaii on Jun 15, 2008 4:24 AM PDT 0 recs
A Penn saved is a Penn earned
There once was an Assistant named Penn
He made deals with devilish GMs
Shrewdly and wise
He aims for the prize
So we can have the last laugh Mister Zen
If you dont talk to your cats about catnip, who will?
by bow4meow on Jun 15, 2008 10:24 AM PDT 1 recs
BTW I love short limricks
well done
"My favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. Us kids would visit him in his cave. He would eat one of us from time to time. It wasn't till years later that we realized Uncle Caveman was a bear"
Jack Handy
by 92wastheyear on
Jun 15, 2008 12:32 PM PDT
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in no way meant to usurp the current poet laureates
but thanks
If you dont talk to your cats about catnip, who will?
by bow4meow on
Jun 15, 2008 1:32 PM PDT
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A Poet Laureate does not hold exclusive poetry distribution rights.
Always good to have more!
One of Two Official Blazer's Edge Poets Laureate for the 2008-2009 Season
Chaplain of the Jarrett Jack Fan Club
"Scholars have long known that fishing eventually turns men into philosophers. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to buy decent tackle on a philosopher's salary." - Patrick McManus
by T Darkstar on
Jun 15, 2008 2:12 PM PDT
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raif lefrenze expirering contract
"you have long words
they make long writing" ratbastird
Celtics over the L*kers, lesser of the 2 evils. But not by much.
by ptwnblzr on Jun 15, 2008 10:56 AM PDT 0 recs
Ok...follow along with my convoluted logic
Penn is our cap-ologist, right?
A stick style Pen comes with a cap (think of those blue Bic pens)
In today’s street venacular “cappin’” someone means shooting them
He Penn-caps ‘em (as in you have been “Penn-Capped”)
or this variation: “We’ll bust a Penn-cap in yer a$$” (sorry Dave …it just don’t work any other way)
"My favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. Us kids would visit him in his cave. He would eat one of us from time to time. It wasn't till years later that we realized Uncle Caveman was a bear"
Jack Handy
by 92wastheyear on Jun 15, 2008 12:29 PM PDT 0 recs
Warren Penn (Regulator)
16 in the pocket and one in my hold, Tom Penn and Kevin P are droppin GM’s cold…....
Can I buy you a fish sandwich?
by silkybrown on
Jun 15, 2008 9:48 PM PDT
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LMAO
I love the regulators reference. hehe.
He's Coming! Oden Slayer of Giants
by Idog1976 on
Jun 16, 2008 9:02 PM PDT
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What about PA?
Paul Allen “paulverized” Phoenix with his big wad of cash.
PTB Liberation Day - 2/10/04
by tssbro on Jun 15, 2008 12:40 PM PDT 0 recs
I see why the trade-Trout thing keeps coming up.
As you say so well:
He is our best bench player. He has improved every year. He finally had a break-through year last season. He is on pace to possibly crack our starting line-up at the Small Forward position. He has verbally said he wants to be an all-star . . . He is one of the best athletes in the league. He has accomplished the success he has without any moves to the basket or ball-handling ability. He can get his shot off against anyone in this league. With practice, he still has a ton of upside to meet. When he gets it all together (not if, but when) he will be a huge huge asset .
The whole league sees him that way, too.
He’s an unbelievably valuable trade chip.
There are players we could get in a trade ONLY if Trout were in the deal.
What makes him untradable also makes him a great trade subject.
That said, I love ‘im.
Count me firmly in the do-not-trade-him camp.
But I see where the trade-Trouters are comin’ from.
Blazers have a five-on-three...and they pull it back and wait for help.
by QualityPie on Jun 15, 2008 2:21 PM PDT 0 recs
POHICA
When Tom works you over, consider yourself having gotten ‘Penn’t over. POHICA for those clones in here.
by halfasiansensation on Jun 15, 2008 8:12 PM PDT 0 recs
hahahaha
hahahaha
Can I buy you a fish sandwich?
by silkybrown on
Jun 15, 2008 9:50 PM PDT
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If LMA gets the best of you...
you have been LaMASTERED!
LaMUCUSED? What like cobbed a luggie on you? Come on…
LMA's reign as "LaMonster of the Low Post" has just begun!
by LaMarvelous on Jun 15, 2008 9:54 PM PDT 0 recs
Here's a few more I thought of....
1. It’s Steve with the Shake and Blake
2. Outlaw (hunts his man, robs, steals, shoots) (sounds like what outlaws do)
3. Get that shot the Pryz out of here.
4. He just Raefed all over him.
5. He just got Raefed on that drive to the hoop.
6. He just got Jonesed.
Can I buy you a fish sandwich?
by silkybrown on Jun 15, 2008 10:08 PM PDT 0 recs
George Michael
"lowest common denominator - every time I think you hit rock bottom you sink it deeper into the shale" -- bow4meow
by tominhawaii on Jun 16, 2008 1:15 PM PDT 0 recs
How about that GM
got Penn-ished! Or dude got sent to the Penn-itentiary. I bet alot of GM’s will ask what Hap-penn-ed?
And to use 12 sharks word above. Tom Penn has once again created Penn-demonium on draft day.
He's Coming! Oden Slayer of Giants
by Idog1976 on Jun 16, 2008 9:20 PM PDT 0 recs
If Travis enters the game and buries the other team ...
they got T-routed!
by CatMan2 on Jun 19, 2008 9:41 PM PDT 0 recs










