(OT) In Honor of Mortimer

by T Darkstar on May 16, 2008 5:27 AM PDT

Four rounds down, and two left. And now not only the title of "Unofficial Blazers' Edge Masked Persona" is up for grabs, but also a caricature from Amlmart1's good buddy Paco (Argote? Whomever he is, he's good.)! It was also decided by the contestants that an honorary point should be given to those who serve as judges, since they are not able to earn any during that round. There were no objections, and the resolution received the requisite number of votes, so, motion carries!

At this point, we are waiting for TominHawaii to name his top three, but since Hawaii is one quarter of a world away from me, at the time of this post, I would expect Mr. inHawaii to be sleeping. So, whenever he gets up and around to it, and I notice, we'll get a better update of the score. As always, the rules can be found here.

Friday Evening Points Update!

AnntheFan - 5 points

JTDuck22 - 5 points

92wastheyear - 4 points

PrezofDeath - 3 points

Bfan - 3 points

Jksnake99 - 2 points

Section323 - 2 points

TominHawaii - 2 points

Amlmart1 - 1 point

Lizzy Lowblow - 1 point

Today, our good friend Mortimer is up to be impersonated. Today's question to be answered in Mortimer form is, "How will Brandon Roy rank all-time as a Blazer when his career is over?" Good luck to all participants!

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"How will Brandon Roy rank all-time as a Blazer when his career is over?"

Brandon will rank the all powering, undeniable, ruthless overlord of Blazer history. Other than that he is a really nice boy. I think he will be in that hall of fame thingie. I don’t think he will ever get the MVP (Magic Virility Potion???) but he will be well loved by not only Blazer fans but the entire league and various foreigners. When his time on earth is through he will revered as source of all that is good in America. His sweet crossover will become the new logo for the INBA (Inter-National Basketball Association) because of Brandon’s overwhelming popularity both here and abroad (it was this very adoration that finally pushed Mr Stern’s little science project global). They will put his face on the new $20 coin (about what a candybar will cost at the end of Brandon’s reign….err….carreer). Gradeschools all over America will change their names from Warren G. Harding (there are 149 currently with that name) to Brandon G. Roy. The best selling cheese in the land will be “Roy’s Good Time Cheeses” after he purchases the foundering Tillimook chesse factory and turns around it’s fortunes with a combination of his incredible savy and (surprising) cheese making talent.

So in closing ...I think Brandon will have an ok career

Mort-i-merrrrrrrrr

"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss" Robert A. Heinlein

by 92wastheyear on May 16, 2008 9:10 AM PDT 2 recs

PS....Jerry West's reanimated head

will protest the logo change but will be rebuffed by the supreme court …..who were all Blazer fans

"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss" Robert A. Heinlein

by 92wastheyear on May 16, 2008 9:13 AM PDT up 0 recs

^^That comment was also from me

Mortimer

"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss" Robert A. Heinlein

by 92wastheyear on May 16, 2008 10:17 AM PDT up 0 recs

I love it

I wish I went to Brandon G. Roy High School, it sounds like the coolest place in the world. All the babes are smokin’ hot, all the jocks win the state titles, all the nerds win the spelling bee.

Only part I find slightly questionable: Roy’s time on Earth will end someday?! If anyone can find a way to live forever, perhaps find the Fountain of Youth or discover the hiding place of the Holy Grail, it’s Brandon G. Roy.

92 WAS the year… 92 was the year. (nods knowingly)

Marvelous Mortimer

by Mortimer on May 16, 2008 10:48 AM PDT up 0 recs

92 was the year

When I turned 5.

by Sabonis4Ever on May 16, 2008 10:53 AM PDT up 0 recs

wait

you are only 21?

by Section323 on May 16, 2008 10:57 AM PDT up 0 recs

I turn 21 on June 1st

by Sabonis4Ever on May 16, 2008 11:11 AM PDT up 0 recs

I didn't know

the young people here always surprise me.
I guess that explains why you have time to post at all hours of the day.
I don’t know what my excuse is.

by Section323 on May 16, 2008 11:33 AM PDT up 0 recs

Thank you!

Coming from you that means alot. You are the “all powering, undeniable, ruthless overlord of BlazersEdge history” .....I think you are diggin’ what I am layin’ down

"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss" Robert A. Heinlein

by 92wastheyear on May 16, 2008 11:20 AM PDT up 0 recs

He's scoopin what you're poopin

If it fills a need, if it fills a rebuilding situation. And my goal is to fill and rebuild and I am not going to be shortsighted.
- Isiah Thomas

by JTDuck22 on May 16, 2008 11:59 AM PDT up 0 recs

He's rockin' what I'm talkin'

"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss" Robert A. Heinlein

by 92wastheyear on May 16, 2008 12:24 PM PDT up 0 recs

He's picking up what your're putting down

If it fills a need, if it fills a rebuilding situation. And my goal is to fill and rebuild and I am not going to be shortsighted.
- Isiah Thomas

by JTDuck22 on May 16, 2008 1:48 PM PDT up 0 recs

He is understanding what I'm saying.......D'oh!!!

"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss" Robert A. Heinlein

by 92wastheyear on May 16, 2008 6:04 PM PDT up 0 recs

you win

If it fills a need, if it fills a rebuilding situation. And my goal is to fill and rebuild and I am not going to be shortsighted.
- Isiah Thomas

by JTDuck22 on May 16, 2008 9:55 PM PDT up 0 recs

May I trade may point for some macanuts or whatever?.

Of those powders these muds went out.

by amlmart1 on May 16, 2008 9:14 AM PDT 1 recs

Along these same lines I bring you the Beatles

“Your lovin’ gives me such a thrill…
”...but your lovin’ don’t pay my bills..
I need money!!
That’s what I want”

"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss" Robert A. Heinlein

by 92wastheyear on May 16, 2008 10:37 AM PDT up 0 recs

Seconded and Recommended

I like the idea of point trading, as I have one open for negotiation.

"Lenny Suckerpunch Never bet on me" - Elizabeth "The Lizzard" Lowblow

by Lizzy Lowblow on May 16, 2008 9:49 AM PDT 0 recs

Brandon

That is a silly question T Darkstar, if that really IS your name. The leader of the best team in the history of the whole universe that will win more rings than the rest of the league combined? His name even means King, you silly McSillerson. Anyone who doesn’t think he will be the best Blazer is a racist.

I wish you had asked your question a few days ago. This weekend I was at Taco Bell with my fiancé, and we saw Pau Gasol. He must have been missing the food of his country and stopped in for a fix. I didn’t want to bother him, but if I’d known about this question, I would have invited him home to play Dance Dance Revolution the next time Marty and me were hanging out and I would have asked him your question. Even Pau would know the right answer. Roy will be the best Blazer ever.

At Taco Bell they tried to give us Lakers Pepsi cups. My fiancé was gonna take one, but I explained about the Lakers and she refused hers, too. She’s cool, she gets it.

So yes, Roy will definately be the best Blazer ever. They will retire his number while he is still playing, and then they will give him another number and then they will retire that one, too.

—Mortimer

Mortimer?

Mortimer!!

by Section323 on May 16, 2008 10:04 AM PDT 2 recs

That was fantastic!!

Even though it didn’t have Jerry West’s reanimated head …it had many other redeming qualities. I love it actually

"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss" Robert A. Heinlein

by 92wastheyear on May 16, 2008 10:19 AM PDT up 0 recs

That had everything

You are now the new Mortimer. I can retire knowing my legacy will remain well cared for.

I think I’m crying, that was so beautiful.

(sniff)

I’m not crying… go away!!!

Shut up! YOU’RE a baby!

Mortimer!

by Mortimer on May 16, 2008 10:43 AM PDT up 0 recs

People need to stop switching their avatars

This post was dead on. I thought Mortimer was answering his own question like the dweeb he is.

by Sabonis4Ever on May 16, 2008 10:52 AM PDT up 0 recs

I only changed because mine is a cat

that seemed too wrong for Mortimer

by Section323 on May 16, 2008 10:55 AM PDT up 0 recs

Spectacular

Like, I was gonna research Mortimer - scan the old posts, brush up on my Morty humor, knock this one out of the park - but it would be a futile effort because Section323 has already crunched this dinger. Get out the rye bread and mustard, it’s Grand Mortimer Imitation Time. Four stars.

by BlazersOrBust on May 16, 2008 4:32 PM PDT up 0 recs

Roy is my boy

Well, TDarkstar, you have asked a worthy query so I will attempt to answer.

It should be obvious to anyone with an advanced degree in basketballogy that Brandon Roy is going to be an all time Blazer great. Anyone who says otherwise is stoopid.

I heard that when Roy was 7 years old he could already dunk. Don’t know if its true but that’s what the kids on the street are saying.

In conclusion, Roy will be on the Blazers “Mt. Rushmore” and that’s just the way it is.

-Mortimer

Boomshakalaka

by jksnake99 on May 16, 2008 2:08 PM PDT 0 recs

I like it and also

That’s Just The Way It Is

Of those powders these muds went out.

by amlmart1 on May 16, 2008 2:42 PM PDT up 0 recs

Excellent job by Section323

But let’s get real. I knew Mortimer. I worked with Mortimer. Mortimer was a friend of mine. And you, sir, are no Mortimer!

"We don't back down to nobody." --Joel Przybilla

by hurryup09 on May 16, 2008 5:07 PM PDT 0 recs

no one could be

that is true.

by Section323 on May 16, 2008 5:32 PM PDT up 0 recs

The question has been posed:

“How will Brandon Roy rank all-time as a Blazer when his career is over?”
First, let’s begin with a list of the current crop of Trail Blazers who have had their jerseys retired.

13 Dave Twardzik, G, 1976–80
14 Lionel Hollins G, 1975–80 (number retired April 18, 2007)
15 Larry Steele, G, 1971–80
20 Maurice Lucas, F, 1976–80 and 1987–88 (number retired on November 4, 1988)
22 Clyde Drexler, G, 1983–95
32 Bill Walton, C, 1974–78
36 Lloyd Neal, C, 1972–79
45 Geoff Petrie, G, 1970–76

Now lets examine each players lifetime stats.

13 Dave Twardzik, G, 1976–80
Season Age 6 Tm Lg G GS MP FG FGA FG% 3P 3PA 3P% FT FTA FT% ORB DRB TRB AST STL BLK TOV PF PTS
1979-80 29 POR NBA 67 1594 183 394 .464 4 7 .571 197 252 .782 52 104 156 273 77 1 131 149 567
1978-79 28 POR NBA 64 1570 203 381 .533 261 299 .873 39 80 119 176 84 4 127 185 667
1977-78 27 POR NBA 75 1820 242 409 .592 183 234 .782 36 98 134 244 107 4 158 186 667
1976-77 26 POR NBA 74 1937 263 430 .612 239 284 .842 75 127 202 247 128 15 228 765
1975-76 25 VIR ABA 43 871 100 216 .463 3 16 .188 113 139 .813 28 61 89 125 62 3 93 107 316
1974-75 24 VIR ABA 76 2679 359 657 .546 1 6 .167 317 384 .826 94 153 247 404 132 11 266 238 1036
1973-74 23 VIR ABA 57 1413 163 343 .475 3 15 .200 168 214 .785 52 129 181 170 60 8 118 173 497
1972-73 22 VIR ABA 80 1357 141 306 .461 2 9 .222 178 212 .840 45 113 158 184 122 202 462
Career TOT 536 13241 1654 3136 .527 13 53 .245 1656 2018 .821 421 865 1286 1823 650 46 1015 1468 4977
NBA 280 6921 891 1614 .552 4 7 .571 880 1069 .823 202 409 611 940 396 24 416 748 2666
ABA 256 6320 763 1522 .501 9 46 .196 776 949 .818 219 456 675 883 254 22 599 720 2311

14 Lionel Hollins G, 1975–80
Season Age Tm Lg G GS MP FG FGA FG% 3P 3PA 3P% FT FTA FT% ORB DRB TRB AST STL BLK TOV PF PTS
1975-76 22 POR NBA 74 1891 311 738 .421 178 247 .721 39 136 175 306 131 28 235 800
1976-77 23 POR NBA 76 2224 452 1046 .432 215 287 .749 52 158 210 313 166 38 265 1119
1977-78 24 POR NBA 81 2741 531 1202 .442 223 300 .743 81 196 277 380 157 29 241 268 1285
1978-79 25 POR NBA 64 1967 402 886 .454 172 221 .778 32 117 149 325 114 24 223 199 976
1979-80 26 TOT NBA 47 1209 212 526 .403 3 20 .150 101 140 .721 29 60 89 162 76 10 128 103 528
1979-80 26 POR NBA 20 413 82 213 .385 1 10 .100 34 53 .642 5 15 20 50 30 1 60 35 199
1979-80 26 PHI NBA 27 796 130 313 .415 2 10 .200 67 87 .770 24 45 69 112 46 9 68 68 329
1980-81 27 PHI NBA 82 2154 327 696 .470 2 15 .133 125 171 .731 47 144 191 352 104 18 207 205 781
1981-82 28 PHI NBA 81 81 2257 380 797 .477 2 16 .125 132 188 .702 35 152 187 316 103 20 146 198 894
1982-83 29 SDC NBA 56 54 1844 313 717 .437 3 21 .143 129 179 .721 30 98 128 373 111 14 198 155 758
1983-84 30 DET NBA 32 0 216 24 63 .381 0 2 .000 11 13 .846 4 18 22 62 13 1 24 26 59
1984-85 31 HOU NBA 80 60 1950 249 540 .461 3 13 .231 108 136 .794 33 140 173 417 78 10 170 187 609
Career NBA 673 195 18453 3201 7211 .444 13 87 .149 1394 1882 .741 382 1219 1601 3006 1053 192 1337 1841 7809

15 Larry Steele, G, 1971–80
Season Age Tm Lg G GS MP FG FGA FG% 3P 3PA 3P% FT FTA FT% ORB DRB TRB AST STL BLK TOV PF PTS
1971-72 22 POR NBA 72 1311 148 308 .481 70 97 .722 282 161 198 366
1972-73 23 POR NBA 66 1301 159 329 .483 71 89 .798 154 156 181 389
1973-74 24 POR NBA 81 2648 325 680 .478 135 171 .789 89 221 310 323 217 32 295 785
1974-75 25 POR NBA 76 2389 265 484 .548 122 146 .836 86 140 226 287 183 16 254 652
1975-76 26 POR NBA 81 2382 322 651 .495 154 203 .759 77 215 292 324 170 19 289 798
1976-77 27 POR NBA 81 1680 326 652 .500 183 227 .806 71 117 188 172 118 13 216 835
1977-78 28 POR NBA 65 1132 210 447 .470 100 122 .820 34 79 113 87 59 5 66 138 520
1978-79 29 POR NBA 72 1488 203 483 .420 112 136 .824 58 113 171 142 74 10 96 208 518
1979-80 30 POR NBA 16 446 62 146 .425 0 4 .000 22 27 .815 13 32 45 67 25 1 33 53 146
Career NBA 610 14777 2020 4180 .483 0 4 .000 969 1218 .796 428 917 1781 1719 846 96 195 1832 5009

20 Maurice Lucas, F, 1976–80 and 1987–88
Season Age Tm Lg G GS MP FG FGA FG% 3P 3PA 3P% FT FTA FT% ORB DRB TRB AST STL BLK TOV PF PTS
1974-75 22 SSL ABA 80 2464 438 937 .467 2 9 .222 180 229 .786 282 534 816 287 89 64 208 301 1058
1975-76 23 TOT ABA 86 2861 620 1346 .461 3 18 .167 217 283 .767 297 673 970 224 75 57 298 332 1460
1975-76 23 SSL ABA 28 1065 252 548 .460 0 11 .000 68 93 .731 106 316 422 77 19 21 112 104 572
1975-76 23 KEN ABA 58 1796 368 798 .461 3 7 .429 149 190 .784 191 357 548 147 56 36 186 228 888
1976-77 24 POR NBA 79 2863 632 1357 .466 335 438 .765 271 628 899 229 83 56 294 1599
1977-78 25 POR NBA 68 2119 453 989 .458 207 270 .767 186 435 621 173 61 56 192 221 1113
1978-79 26 POR NBA 69 2462 568 1208 .470 270 345 .783 192 524 716 215 66 81 233 254 1406
1979-80 27 TOT NBA 63 1884 371 813 .456 2 9 .222 179 239 .749 143 394 537 208 42 62 218 223 923
1979-80 27 POR NBA 41 1176 243 552 .440 2 5 .400 100 137 .730 85 240 325 125 23 35 148 141 588
1979-80 27 NJN NBA 22 708 128 261 .490 0 4 .000 79 102 .775 58 154 212 83 19 27 70 82 335
1980-81 28 NJN NBA 68 2162 404 835 .484 0 2 .000 191 254 .752 153 422 575 173 57 59 176 260 999
1981-82 29 NYK NBA 80 74 2671 505 1001 .504 0 3 .000 253 349 .725 274 629 903 179 68 70 173 309 1263
1982-83 30 PHO NBA 77 71 2586 495 1045 .474 1 3 .333 278 356 .781 201 598 799 219 56 43 221 274 1269
1983-84 31 PHO NBA 75 69 2309 451 908 .497 0 5 .000 293 383 .765 208 517 725 203 55 39 177 235 1195
1984-85 32 PHO NBA 63 22 1670 346 727 .476 0 4 .000 150 200 .750 138 419 557 145 39 17 151 183 842
1985-86 33 LAL NBA 77 8 1750 302 653 .462 1 2 .500 180 230 .783 164 402 566 84 45 24 121 253 785
1986-87 34 SEA NBA 63 0 1120 175 388 .451 0 5 .000 150 187 .802 88 219 307 65 34 21 75 171 500
1987-88 35 POR NBA 73 0 1191 168 373 .450 0 3 .000 109 148 .736 101 214 315 94 33 10 73 188 445
Career TOT 1021 244 30112 5928 12580 .471 9 63 .143 2992 3911 .765 2698 6608 9306 2498 803 659 2316 3498 14857
NBA 855 244 24787 4870 10297 .473 4 36 .111 2595 3399 .763 2119 5401 7520 1987 639 538 1810 2865 12339
ABA 166 5325 1058 2283 .463 5 27 .185 397 512 .775 579 1207 1786 511 164 121 506 633 2518

22 Clyde Drexler, G, 1983–95
Season Age Tm Lg G GS MP FG FGA FG% 3P 3PA 3P% FT FTA FT% ORB DRB TRB AST STL BLK TOV PF PTS
1983-84 21 POR NBA 82 3 1408 252 559 .451 1 4 .250 123 169 .728 112 123 235 153 107 29 123 209 628
1984-85 22 POR NBA 80 43 2555 573 1161 .494 8 37 .216 223 294 .759 217 259 476 441 177 68 223 265 1377
1985-86 23 POR NBA 75 58 2576 542 1142 .475 12 60 .200 293 381 .769 171 250 421 600 197 46 282 270 1389
1986-87 24 POR NBA 82 82 3114 707 1408 .502 11 47 .234 357 470 .760 227 291 518 566 204 71 253 281 1782
1987-88 25 POR NBA 81 80 3060 849 1679 .506 11 52 .212 476 587 .811 261 272 533 467 203 52 236 250 2185
1988-89 26 POR NBA 78 78 3064 829 1672 .496 27 104 .260 438 548 .799 289 326 615 450 213 54 250 269 2123
1989-90 27 POR NBA 73 73 2683 670 1357 .494 30 106 .283 333 430 .774 208 299 507 432 145 51 191 222 1703
1990-91 28 POR NBA 82 82 2852 645 1338 .482 61 191 .319 416 524 .794 212 334 546 493 144 60 232 226 1767
1991-92 29 POR NBA 76 76 2751 694 1476 .470 114 338 .337 401 505 .794 166 334 500 512 138 70 240 229 1903
1992-93 30 POR NBA 49 49 1671 350 816 .429 31 133 .233 245 292 .839 126 183 309 278 95 37 115 159 976
1993-94 31 POR NBA 68 68 2334 473 1105 .428 71 219 .324 286 368 .777 154 291 445 333 98 34 167 202 1303
1994-95 32 TOT NBA 76 75 2728 571 1238 .461 147 408 .360 364 442 .824 152 328 480 362 136 45 186 206 1653
1994-95 32 POR NBA 41 41 1428 305 712 .428 87 240 .363 207 248 .835 84 150 234 208 74 22 97 117 904
1994-95 32 HOU NBA 35 34 1300 266 526 .506 60 168 .357 157 194 .809 68 178 246 154 62 23 89 89 749
1995-96 33 HOU NBA 52 51 1997 331 764 .433 78 235 .332 265 338 .784 97 276 373 302 105 24 134 153 1005
1996-97 34 HOU NBA 62 62 2271 397 899 .442 119 335 .355 201 268 .750 118 255 373 354 119 36 156 151 1114
1997-98 35 HOU NBA 70 70 2473 452 1059 .427 106 334 .317 277 346 .801 105 241 346 382 126 42 189 193 1287
Career NBA 1086 950 37537 8335 17673 .472 827 2603 .318 4698 5962 .788 2615 4062 6677 6125 2207 719 2977 3285 22195

32 Bill Walton, C, 1974–78
Season Age Tm Lg G GS MP FG FGA FG% 3P 3PA 3P% FT FTA FT% ORB DRB TRB AST STL BLK TOV PF PTS
1974-75 22 POR NBA 35 1153 177 345 .513 94 137 .686 92 349 441 167 29 94 115 448
1975-76 23 POR NBA 51 1687 345 732 .471 133 228 .583 132 549 681 220 49 82 144 823
1976-77 24 POR NBA 65 2264 491 930 .528 228 327 .697 211 723 934 245 66 211 174 1210
1977-78 25 POR NBA 58 1929 460 882 .522 177 246 .720 118 648 766 291 60 146 206 145 1097
1979-80 27 SDC NBA 14 337 81 161 .503 0 0 32 54 .593 28 98 126 34 8 38 37 37 194
1982-83 30 SDC NBA 33 32 1099 200 379 .528 0 0 65 117 .556 75 248 323 120 34 119 105 113 465
1983-84 31 SDC NBA 55 46 1476 288 518 .556 0 2 .000 92 154 .597 132 345 477 183 45 88 177 153 668
1984-85 32 LAC NBA 67 37 1647 269 516 .521 0 2 .000 138 203 .680 168 432 600 156 50 140 174 184 676
1985-86 33 BOS NBA 80 2 1546 231 411 .562 0 0 144 202 .713 136 408 544 165 38 106 151 210 606
1986-87 34 BOS NBA 10 0 112 10 26 .385 0 0 8 15 .533 11 20 31 9 1 10 15 23 28
Career NBA 468 117 13250 2552 4900 .521 0 4 .000 1111 1683 .660 1103 3820 4923 1590 380 1034 865 1298 6215

36 Lloyd Neal, C, 1972–79
Season Age Tm Lg G GS MP FG FGA FG% 3P 3PA 3P% FT FTA FT% ORB DRB TRB AST STL BLK TOV PF PTS
1972-73 22 POR NBA 82 2723 455 921 .494 187 293 .638 967 146 305 1097
1973-74 23 POR NBA 80 1517 246 502 .490 117 168 .696 150 344 494 89 45 73 190 609
1974-75 24 POR NBA 82 2278 409 869 .471 189 295 .641 186 501 687 139 43 87 239 1007
1975-76 25 POR NBA 68 2320 435 904 .481 186 268 .694 145 440 585 118 53 107 254 1056
1976-77 26 POR NBA 58 955 160 340 .471 77 114 .675 87 168 255 58 8 35 148 397
1977-78 27 POR NBA 61 1174 272 540 .504 127 177 .718 116 257 373 81 29 21 96 128 671
1978-79 28 POR NBA 4 48 4 11 .364 1 1 1.000 2 7 9 1 0 1 6 7 9
Career NBA 435 11015 1981 4087 .485 884 1316 .672 686 1717 3370 632 178 324 102 1271 4846

45 Geoff Petrie, G, 1970–76
Season Age Tm Lg G GS MP FG FGA FG% 3P 3PA 3P% FT FTA FT% ORB DRB TRB AST STL BLK TOV PF PTS
1970-71 22 POR NBA 82 3032 784 1770 .443 463 600 .772 280 390 196 2031
1971-72 23 POR NBA 60 2155 465 1115 .417 202 256 .789 133 248 108 1132
1972-73 24 POR NBA 79 3134 836 1801 .464 298 383 .778 273 350 163 1970
1973-74 25 POR NBA 73 2800 740 1537 .481 291 341 .853 64 144 208 315 84 15 199 1771
1974-75 26 POR NBA 80 3109 602 1319 .456 261 311 .839 38 171 209 424 81 13 215 1465
1975-76 27 POR NBA 72 2557 543 1177 .461 277 334 .829 38 130 168 330 82 5 194 1363
Career NBA 446 16787 3970 8719 .455 1792 2225 .805 140 445 1271 2057 247 33 1075 9732

And now, Brandon Roy

Season Age Tm Lg G GS MP FG FGA FG% 3P 3PA 3P% FT FTA FT% ORB DRB TRB AST STL BLK TOV PF PTS
2006-07 22 POR NBA 57 55 2015 349 765 .456 55 146 .377 202 241 .838 58 192 250 230 67 10 116 139 955
2007-08 23 POR NBA 74 74 2792 531 1170 .454 73 215 .340 281 373 .753 81 267 348 430 79 16 136 147 1416
Career NBA 131 129 4807 880 1935 .455 128 361 .355 483 614 .787 139 459 598 660 146 26 252 286 2371

As can clearly be seen after a quick perusal of these statistics, we can conclude that
Clyde Drexler and Maurice Lucas are Roy’s competition in the race to have the
most retired of retired Portland Trailblazer jerseys. As I have time I will break down each stat
for the enjoyment of all of you and explain its significance in this important analysis
of Brandon Roy’s all-time impact as a Blazer. But that will have to wait a week or two
because I have committed to writing the sequel to War and Peace. Of course, since I’ll only need my two index
fingers and a thumb for the WaP sequel, I’ll still be able to make a significant contribution to the comments at the Bedge
with the rest of my fingers. With my toes I’ll just edit the Mirriam Webster Dictionary as a way to fill in those idle moments.

Friend to all,

Mortipuuurr

"We comin along." Travis Outlaw

by annthefan on May 16, 2008 5:35 PM PDT 0 recs

hee

although I think you have channeled a Ben with Mortimer’s typing skills. You did tap into the fact that despite his goofy humor, Morty knows a whole heck of a lot about a whole heck of a lot of basketball players.

by Section323 on May 16, 2008 5:38 PM PDT up 0 recs

Yeah. I was going for length but I'm not good at length so I used filler. And of course all of Morty's

statements are backed up by statistics and facts even when he doesn’t add them to his posts;-)

"We comin along." Travis Outlaw

by annthefan on May 16, 2008 6:02 PM PDT up 0 recs

Hello

It’s not the size of the post that matters, it is the girth of the knowledge.

Oh where oh were could my Jscot be
The cops took him away from me
He's gone to prison so I've got to be good
So I can see my Jscot when I'll leave this blog

by tominhawaii on May 16, 2008 8:37 PM PDT up 0 recs

Ha! You're just jealous of my length.

If my length was compressed to one line my girth would be enormous.
Therefore, my knowledge is both lengthy and girthy. Therefore,
and by extension, so is annthefan’s imitation of ~~him~~ me.

Mortimiracle

Mortimer

"We comin along." Travis Outlaw

by annthefan on May 16, 2008 9:06 PM PDT up 0 recs

Moooooooooooooooooty-yahooooohoooooooooo................where are you?

"We comin along." Travis Outlaw

by annthefan on May 17, 2008 11:51 PM PDT 0 recs

Mortie took Sunday Off

"Always Willing, Ever Able" - rivbike.com
"A Dbl Shot O' Whiskey & A Pitcher O' Beearr" - BoilerMaker (It's Game Time Baby, see Ya Again, 'n the Second Half)

by BlueBooYay on May 18, 2008 12:32 AM PDT up 0 recs

Oops again. I always forget that my clock doesn't often tick with others.

I have a crazy schedule so I have an anniefanny clock.

"We comin along." Travis Outlaw

by annthefan on May 18, 2008 1:40 AM PDT up 0 recs

Oops. Add an "r" between the last "o" and the "t".

"We comin along." Travis Outlaw

by annthefan on May 17, 2008 11:53 PM PDT 0 recs

How about... SCORES!

Sorry about the delay, I just needed a lot of time to reflect and really study the entries before I made my decision. Plus, I had a work-ish related emergency and it kept me overnight. But really, I was reflecting and dwelling on this matter the whole time.

FIRST PLACE: Section323 (natch’).
It reminded me that I need new schtick, and some “jokes” I’ve done since I was, like, 8 years old… I’d call my dad or mom racist even if they just told me to do some chores (its a good counter argument) or to confuse them if they were telling me a harmless story. Plus, if my momma told me sumthin’, I’d say “Ok, MOM, if that really IS your name” and it was funny to lil’ Mortimer then and Ol’ Mortimer now. Seeing it thrown back in my face, it reminds me how repetitive and lame I truly am.

Plus, it included my shameless Hollywood name dropping, bragged about my fiance, and used a cute picture of Mercury the Desktruktoress as the icon. A++++++++!

SECOND PLACE: annthefan:
Now, second place was tough, but I fell in love with Ann’s girthy length, which is an important part of any Mortimer post. Now perchance it used much more numbers than I usually use (unless the numbers support my argument; otherwise numbers are a small part of the game and if you had actually watched every NBA game ever this season like me you’d agree), and it used players that I had either never heard of or were before my time (were the Blazers a pro-team before Drexler and Adelman and friends? I think they were a college team before). BUT, it wasn’t just long, it came correct and was typed with only two fingers. AAAAAAAAAA!

THIRD PLACE: 92wastheyear AND jksnake99—Holy poop a tie!
Since I couldn’t choose or eat just one, I gotta go with 1992 was a year and Joke Snake 1999. If either was longer, who knows what could have happened? One could have been on the outside looking in, but feel no shame… our beloved Blazers happened to be that way, for now.

92 suggested changing all high schools to Brandon G. Roy High School, which I wholeheartedly endorse, and JkSnake spelled “stoopid” correctly and listened to what the kids on the street were saying, which is vital to any Mortimer post. How could I choose? They both get the point! AAAAAAA-——-

I was flattered and touched to be a part of the imitation contest, and I enjoyed reading all of the posts. Don’t let my fiance (who, did I mention, lets me like the Blazers and is a fancy pants Ivy League lawyer who sees movie and basketball stars everyday because of where we live?) see all this though; she might be curious as to how a busy boy like myself amassed near 4000 posts and was read enough to take part in a imitation contest. Might, you know, make her think I spend some time here. MAYBE. PerHAPS.

Eeks, she’s coming, I gotta go! I love you more Blazers Edge, I just gotta find the right time to end it! Ok… yeah… look, I gotta go, I’ll call you, okay? No, don’t talk to her. No! Look, I’m serious—what? You gotta be kidding. Don’t you dare. I’m hanging up—huh? She’d never believe you… and neither would the police. I hold all the cards in this arrangement, ‘Bedge, and if you doubt for one millisecond… yeah, that’s right. Now, I’ll call you later, and if I see you near my fiance I’ll kill you.

Mortimer

by Mortimer on May 18, 2008 10:43 AM PDT 0 recs

Pssst

Love you! (wink roguishly)

I had to talk tough so she thought I was talking to my parents.

Mortimer

by Mortimer on May 18, 2008 10:48 AM PDT up 0 recs

Monsta, you´r great monsta!.

Beauty and the Beast.

Of those powders these muds went out.

by amlmart1 on May 18, 2008 11:02 AM PDT up 0 recs

Naah

I think your schtick is okay- I just chose the easiest ones to imitate.
For instance, I have copied below my favorite all time Mortimer post (thank goodness the search is improving).
It has none of my post’s features. I could never imitate this one:

 No more soda after dinner time
Sergio gets way too rowdy when he has a soda after eight.  He runs all around the house, jumping on the couch, asking Nate if he can stay up a half hour longer to watch the end of Celebrity Apprentice.
It drives Nate CRAZY, and makes Sergio grouchy and tired the entire next day.  And if LMA is staying over, forget about it.  You'll think they're in bed but before you know it they're sliding down the stairs on flattened cardboard, making a racket.  Before the win streak started, Nate made the rule that sleepovers on a pre-game night aren't allowed, and since then they've played better than ever.

But he’s gotta remain strict, because if you give kids an inch they’ll tear out your heart.

Also, no more phone after 9pm. Martell and Travis keep calling Rebecca Harlow and hanging up over and over. Martell says Travis likes her and just wants to ask Becca if she likes Travis, but Travis is too shy and hangs up the phone each time. “Aww, shucks, hahaha, Naw I don’t c’mon, ahhhh…”

They’re good kids, but need stern guidance. Nate is doing a good job.

Mortimer

by Section323 on May 18, 2008 12:20 PM PDT up 0 recs

grr, I did not tell it to post that

I was in preview mode and it posted anyway.

Plus, please Mr. site administrators, fix that quirk that does that when you try to copy and paste, or when you even use the word “quote.”

I’ll try to link it:

http://www.blazersedge.com/2008/1/28/154736/267#4759521

by Section323 on May 18, 2008 12:24 PM PDT up 0 recs

No more soda after dinner time
Sergio gets way too rowdy when he has a soda after eight. He runs all around the house, jumping on the couch, asking Nate if he can stay up a half hour longer to watch the end of Celebrity Apprentice.
It drives Nate CRAZY, and makes Sergio grouchy and tired the entire next day. And if LMA is staying over, forget about it. You’ll think they’re in bed but before you know it they’re sliding down the stairs on flattened cardboard, making a racket. Before the win streak started, Nate made the rule that sleepovers on a pre-game night aren’t allowed, and since then they’ve played better than ever.

But he’s gotta remain strict, because if you give kids an inch they’ll tear out your heart.

They’re good kids, but need stern guidance. Nate is doing a good job.

Mortimer

by Section323 on May 18, 2008 12:25 PM PDT up 0 recs