Welcome to my lab
by Dr Dave on Apr 26, 2008 4:25 PM PDT
34 comments
It's midnight. Thunder and lightning outside. The high-pitched howl of jackals pierces the tense thickness of anticipation as I prepare to assemble the ideal point guard for the Portland Trailblazers. I have shelves and bins filled with spare parts from all the great PGs of past and present (DNA technology is a wonderful thing). Near my workbench is plenty of duct tape and baling wire. Electrodes are connected to the lightning rod on my roof awaiting the next atmospheric jolt. I can't stand the suspense. I leave the room momentarily to prepare a cup of calming tea....
Watching the whole scene from behind the curtain, you realize you have but a minute or two, at the most, to step in and create your version of the answer to Portland's need at point guard. And remember, you're not after the ultimate, perfect player neccessarily - just the ideal player for Portland's need.
Chose wisely and work fast. I hear the teakettle heating up...
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john stockton's elbows
make sure they are in the brew
"Honor Terry Porter." Email me with your TP stories and memories.
by Ben. on Apr 26, 2008 4:53 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Actually, I'd want Stockton's hands.
One of the reasons he was so good was the size of his hands. Gave him incredible control of the ball.
by timg56 on Apr 28, 2008 6:36 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Magic Johnson's size
Ill throw that in the pot
by Garden of ODEN on Apr 26, 2008 5:04 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Sergio Rodrigez's shooting.
If all I'm remembered for is being a good basketball player, then I've done a bad job with the rest of my life. - Isiah Thomas
by JTDuck22 on Apr 26, 2008 5:06 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Ummm...
I would throw in John Stockton’s whole body and brain but add a pinch of Isaiah Thomas’ killer instinct (for basketball not franchises and leagues).
Throw in some of John Stark calves/legs, mix it right in with Stockton’s legs, so we can add in the extra special dunking too.
Make him look like B.J. Armstrong though, because he has boyish good looks, like Brandon Roy.
We will never see another player quite like John Stockton. Never.
by doublezeroduck on Apr 26, 2008 6:41 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Hey Isiah has done a perfectly fine job
of killing franchises and leagues!
Aldridge said. "We feel like we can beat any team. We feel like we can beat the Spurs, Suns, Lakers, Mavericks, whoever any night right now, and we'll still be here when those teams get old and their guys retire. We're going to be here for a long time."
by lee3022 on Apr 27, 2008 12:13 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Jessica Simpson's...whatevers
Because that would be funny.
—Dave
by Dave on Apr 26, 2008 11:31 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Would Tony think so?
Don’t want LMA going off the Mexico!
Aldridge said. "We feel like we can beat any team. We feel like we can beat the Spurs, Suns, Lakers, Mavericks, whoever any night right now, and we'll still be here when those teams get old and their guys retire. We're going to be here for a long time."
by lee3022 on Apr 27, 2008 12:21 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Well it, (they) would
distract the defensive players and that cant be a bad thing.
by lethaldose on Apr 27, 2008 10:36 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Wouldn't the organization have to build a separate locker room and showers? That might be expensive.
"Oh my, there go the game!" Travis Outlaw
by annthefan on Apr 27, 2008 1:30 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Nah...
Where ya think VP dresses & showers?
"Lenny Suckerpunch Never bet on me" - Elizabeth "The Lizzard" Lowblow
by Lizzy Lowblow on Apr 27, 2008 2:32 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Well, I think he should look like Jarrett
even if he doesn’t play like him
by Section323 on Apr 26, 2008 11:43 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Hey
I was going to say JJ’s butt for the ladies.
Maneki Neko
by tominhawaii on Apr 27, 2008 2:59 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Cheese. I hope all these parts get stuck back into the right places. This could become a nightmare.
"Oh my, there go the game!" Travis Outlaw
by annthefan on Apr 27, 2008 3:02 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
To play with Brandon
our point guard would have to possess TJ Ford’s speed, Magic’s ball handling, Kidd’s passing, Rondo’s defense, more Magic’s.. smile, Nate’s Robinson’s jumping, Coach Nate’s grit and savvy, and Steve Kerr’s shooting. Add all those ingredients into a 6-4 225 pound frame and stir gently until seasoned well to get Bob Cousy’s string of championships. (Or just update your Oscar file).
Aldridge said. "We feel like we can beat any team. We feel like we can beat the Spurs, Suns, Lakers, Mavericks, whoever any night right now, and we'll still be here when those teams get old and their guys retire. We're going to be here for a long time."
by lee3022 on Apr 27, 2008 12:30 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
We already got that player!
And his name is SERGIO RODRIGUEZ and we’d be in the playoffs right now if Nate would swallow his pride and admit he hates Spaniards and he is jealous of how much better Sergio is than anyone else ever.
I haven’t seen anyone mention it yet, but Nate was totally on the Somalian pirates side that held the Spanish boat and crew for ransom recently. They got 1.2 million bucks I read… how much of that is lining Nate’s pockets? I haven’t heard Nate say he ISN’T getting money from Afrikan pirates roaming the horn of Afrika preying on Spanish ships, and his silence on this issue is deafening.
You got a great list of PG attributes that we want, and I’d only add Clyde’s hairline to the list because widow’s peaks are awesome.
If Sergio isn’t the player you list, then Petteri Koponen surely is. If the odds are against us that Sergio is perfect, the odds become doubly in our favor when you add another exotic tall PG to the mix. It’s statistics people, and it is always right.
Mortimer
by Mortimer on Apr 27, 2008 2:24 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I agree
with some of those facts. True, Sergio has the passing and speed. Shooting and grits is kind of a stretch. But defense and hops? Please… Don’t get me wrong i love Sergio and think he has great potential, but come on… hops like nate robinson? in my dreams….
by alexfoster on Apr 27, 2008 5:25 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Mortimer = smart, witty, and sometimes sarcastic comments...
this was one of the sarcastic ones….
Mortimer > fatty
RUDY > MJ
by myemic23 on Apr 27, 2008 7:51 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
The sarcasm font fails again!!!!
Bedge needs to sescede (sp?) from the SB nation (at least till they get the sarcasm font fixed)
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss" Robert A. Heinlein
by 92wastheyear on Apr 27, 2008 8:17 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
dripping
I don’t know mortimer well…but that post was dripping with sarcasm.
by Philthyanimal on Apr 27, 2008 9:27 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I'm all goopy and gooey now
I need to take it easy with the sarcasm, I’m coated in the junk and it kinda smells once it sits for a bit.
Also, I know when I say the silly stuff without winks or smileys, it can be easily misconstrued even by English as 1st language peoples. I do more harm than good.
I think it’d be funny if I took your avatar and used it for mine, and we can tell everyone we’re twins.
Mortimer
by Mortimer on Apr 27, 2008 9:43 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Pistol Pete
I submit a requisition for Pete Maravich handles and creativity – just for sheer entertainment value.
Plus I’d like it to have a cool nickname like “Pistol” or “Speedy” or “Hot Rod” or “Baby Jordan”, but those are taken. I’ll leave it up to another committee for that.
by LaughingJon on Apr 27, 2008 8:31 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
On a tangent
Nicknames these days are lame. All this stuff with the initials are killing me. B-roy, L.A. , J-jack (not to mention T-mac, A-Rod and so forth). I hate them. Where are the “Magic”s, “Air Jordan”s, “Clyde the Glide”s and “Dream”s gone???
PS thank god Dan Dickau never went with “D-Dick” ....that would have been wrong
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss" Robert A. Heinlein
by 92wastheyear on Apr 27, 2008 9:08 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Goin' (OT) in Dr D's Lab
Here’s a true nick for ya;
Juwan “Herpes” Howard
Picked it up from the MoneyBallah$
They didn’t tell me WHY but with “Herpes” recent notoriety, use your imagination.
Shsssh, Hurry! I think the Dr’s com’n back!
"Lenny Suckerpunch Never bet on me" - Elizabeth "The Lizzard" Lowblow
by Lizzy Lowblow on Apr 27, 2008 10:56 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Linky
"Lenny Suckerpunch Never bet on me" - Elizabeth "The Lizzard" Lowblow
by Lizzy Lowblow on Apr 27, 2008 10:58 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Hoppin' down the rabbit trail...
...I’m reminded of a very unscrupulous young lad whose team we played against in elementary school. With long, dirty fingernails he managed to scratch everyone on the team. In a day or two we became aware of his devious scheme: we all came down with a bodacious case of impetigo!
by Dr Dave on Apr 27, 2008 5:48 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Taking a left turn here...
...trying to get ON Topic.
I think I see a specimen jar over there on the Dr.’s shelve. It is two thirds full of finger nails, in a murky solution.
Upon closer inspection, yes they are nails and some are quite long, with a bit of a curl to ‘em. It is like they are still growin’!
I will take three of these for each hand of the PG we’re building (it’’s the raptor in me).
His nick can be “Nails”
"Lenny Suckerpunch Never bet on me" - Elizabeth "The Lizzard" Lowblow
by Lizzy Lowblow on Apr 27, 2008 6:25 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Speaking of nicknames
I’m just pissed that LeBron gets the nickname “King.” Roy means king in French. Shouldn’t he have that nickname?
by robrun2 on Apr 28, 2008 12:39 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
We could call him....
Regis.
My name is Latin for King baby!"Scholars have long known that fishing eventually turns men into philosophers. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to buy decent tackle on a philosopher's salary." - Patrick McManus
by T Darkstar on Apr 28, 2008 6:02 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
You literally cracked me up. I am actually an egg.
Maneki Neko
by tominhawaii on Apr 27, 2008 5:31 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
correction...
You WERE an egg…
RUDY > MJ
by myemic23 on Apr 27, 2008 10:10 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Eggs are still eggs,
Even when scrambled.
"Scholars have long known that fishing eventually turns men into philosophers. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to buy decent tackle on a philosopher's salary." - Patrick McManus
by T Darkstar on Apr 28, 2008 6:50 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Hmmm. A metaphor for life.
"We comin along." Travis Outlaw
by annthefan on Apr 28, 2008 2:54 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
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