In anticipation of the coming pre-season and acknowledging the countless days and weeks and months of build towards said anticipation... and in further recognition of the fact that said anticipation can lead to overreaction leading to utter stupidity on the part of Phizbin... and stipulating the fact that neither wild horses, economic collapse, or sundry political debates will prevent Phizbin from watching pre-season games, he vows the following:
- He will avoid minute mathematical calculations regarding minutes played, refrain from making any sort of minute-per-stat projections, or otherwise guessing at the mindset of Nate McMillan due to minutes played by any player.
- No matter how many times Jerryd Bayless may inadvertently step out of bounds with the ball, he will not not project repressed hostility and dismay over Jarrett Jack onto this rookie.
- If Sergio makes fifteen jump shots in a row, he will avoid proclaiming him a great offensive talent--he will also avoid fainting in surprise
- If Sergio misses his first five jump shots on a flat trajectory, he will not immediately announce Sergio's worthlessness--he will avoid reading various "I told you so" posts
- Should Oden foul out of every single game in 11 minutes played, he will not begin contemplating trades, make judgments about Oden's lateral speed, nor decry the game Dance, Dance Revolution... he will recall that every rookie center fouls out; that's what Joel's for
- If Blake never sees the court in pre-season, he will not anticipate a season of Sergio as the starter. No matter what happens in pre-season, Blake = goodness
- If Martell averages 1-2 in 28 minutes with 0.5 rebounds he will not call for Travis, Rudy, Roy, Channing, Diogu, Stephen Hill or Dean Demopolous to start at small forward; Martell deserves a final chance but the pre-season is not it
- He will not groan if Outlaw launches shot within 2 seconds of touching the ball every single time; a green light in pre-season is like permission to kiss the bride on the cheek at the wedding reception, not that big a deal (unless it's MY shot or MY wife)
- He will not call Rudy a bust if he doesn't dunk over every opposing center at least once in each game... he can dunk the ball, he doesn't need to prove it to your numbskull head all over again
- He will not complain about Joel's lack of minutes in the pre-season even if the team collects zero contested defensive rebounds
- He will not pour over fast-break point statistics as if searching for the secret of life itself nor make conclusions about Nate's offensive genius based upon same
- Should LaMarcus score zero points in the paint and instead rain in jump shots, he will not immediately call for a reorganization of the team's offense; he will ignore Blazer broadcasters who might insist LMA needs to play "down low" more
In summary, Phizbin vows to essentially regard the pre-season as statistically meaningless and strategically unhelpful. He will enjoy the games but base no future predictions or current assessments on how the games are played, who wins, or who plays. He vows to await the season patiently and regard the coming weeks as mere appetizers.
In violation of the above, he is to turn in his Bedge card to Fatty... if he can be found. This I solemnly do swear,