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Around SBN: Nevin Shapiro Vows To Bring Down Miami

Season Long Epic Poem: Prologue

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As one of two Blazer's Edge Official Poets Laureate for the 2008-2009 season, I have taken a large project upon myself. We will be having an epic poem that spans the entire season. All 82 games, individually rhymed and reasoned into a greater whole – the story of the season, told as an epic poem in the B-Western format. Today is the Prologue, and Part One will be based on the results of the Blazer-Laker game on October 28th. I do have one request. If you feel the need to recommend this fanpost, please rec it as you would the junk drawer, so that there is only one part up at a time. Critiques, suggestions and ideas are always welcome, as are emendations and additions to the current post. Please leave your feedback, as usual, in the comments. So, without further ado, the 2008-2009 Blazer Season Epic:

 

The men are noisy drunkards.

The women know no shame.

Money is quickly gambled.

The West is hardly tame.

 

Gangs, posses, outlaws,

Whatever name you call them.

Twenty-nine crews altogether,

banded ‘gainst sheriffs to fall them.

 

They ran the West,

Revolvers brandished all the day.

No one dared defy them,

No one could stand in their way.

 

Pleas came to the Army,

Something must be done.

But the military was busy elsewhere,

A spare cavalry, they had not one.

 

Yet one brave unit

Asked permission to bring them all in.

They were but fifteen men,

But someone had to stop the endless sin.

 

They were green these kids,

Barely enlisted long enough to see battle.

Yet they called themselves Trailblazers.

And the task, them it did not rattle.

 

They would take each gang on,

Taking them one at a time,

In order to restore peace to the West,

and end all their crime.

 

Major Roy commanded them

His leadership did they follow.

Young though he was by eye,

a loss he would never swallow.

 

He led the men courageously,

His leadership was by example.

Roy did what it took to win,

his abilities were most ample.

 

His captain was a Texan,

was always vigilant by his side.

His marksmanship impressive,

Aldridge caused foes to hide.

 

The men were young but skilled,

those under Roy’s command.

Each soldier had a role,

Their place was picked by hand.

 

Oden was a giant of a man

whose task it was to hold the line.

Webster took the artillery

It was there his skill did shine.

 

Blake was the Quartermaster,

his distribution was efficient.

Rodriguez was the advance scout  

where his skills were most proficient.

 

Fernandez was a gunslinger,

The fanciest seen in years,

Przybilla was pure muscle,

he brought his foes to tears.

 

Outlaw was a rogue gunman,

He lived up to his name.

Frye was the camp cook,

Serving buffets was his game.

 

Batum was a soldier for hire,

came from the French Foreign Leigion.

Bayless was famed for ferocity,

And he wasn’t even Norwegian.

 

Diogu and Randolph kept watch

Always wary of noises heard

LaFrentz had lost an arm and a leg,

But still gave a thoughtful word.

 

So aboard the train they embarked

And headed for the place known as Rose City.

It was the central hub for trade,

They’d soon be met by each enemy committee.

 

But as the train pulled into the station,

They were met by the local sheriff.

If the Army was to take over operations,

there was going to be a huge tariff.

 

But that ol’ Sheriff McMillan 

He made one thing perfectly clear

If there was going to be fightin’

To his rules they’d have to adhere.

 

If they would listen to him,

He would not make a stink.

But if they went on their own,

They would end up in the clink.

 

Major Roy agreed to the terms,

and heeded Rose’s official.

Another hand in the fight 

would prove to be judicial.

 

The sheriff led them out of town,

And down the dusty Southern road.

They would start against the worst,

And enter the Laker gang’s abode.

 

To be continued….

 

 

Comment 17 comments  |  8 recs  | 

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awesome picture

that should soooo be a BE shirt, without the logo of course

Woof

by Charles Barkley McLovin on Oct 26, 2008 9:36 PM PDT reply actions  

that picture

never ceases to make me lol.

I've made eye contact with Chris Dudley....twice.

by RoodiePhirnandizz on Oct 26, 2008 9:50 PM PDT reply actions  

And for once, the Bayless face is completely appropriate

On these turn of the century pictures, people never smile.

Odenied: If you're given lemmings—make lemming-ade (Bow4Meow)

by Norsktroll on Oct 27, 2008 1:55 AM PDT up reply actions  

A picture is worth a thousand words

well, except that picture. It’s worth like 100,00

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

by prezofdeath on Oct 26, 2008 10:47 PM PDT reply actions  

I love the idea of a Blazers epic poem

Making 82 posts all in a B-western format is an excellent challenge. Having a set rule like that forces you to be highly creative when you’re searching for new western imagery at game 65, like shakespeare and his 14 line iambic sonnets. Making it an epic gives you all sorts of amazing possibilities. If recapping the game gets repetitive you could have tangents with backstories about minor or unrelated characters like in Beowulf, or winesongs a la middle eastern epics, maybe some huge banquets with long discussions.

You could even start preceding entries with an Argument, like in Paradise Lost. That way you would have a recap, which would let you make the poem more complex.

Goodbye blue Monday

by isaacjoe on Oct 26, 2008 11:13 PM PDT reply actions  

Wow

If people still read epic poetry in 100 years, it seems highly likely that they will read this rather than Beowulf or whatever epic poems there are that people still read.

by tingeyga on Oct 26, 2008 11:27 PM PDT reply actions  

very nice!

honor terry porter

by Ben Golliver on Oct 27, 2008 1:45 PM PDT reply actions  

not fair / head start

clearly youve been working on this all summer long while the rest of us just thing up words that rhyme with Oden, Rudy and Bayless.

You are quite Chauceresque, I admit, but befast
but beholden you speak, est ce bon bon moo nes cest illeriate
at last

"Meow" -- my cat Bonzi saying the future is not going to be the opening night game against the leagues prima donna. just like in the Olympics, it was all about kobe, so shall it be game one. But thats the way david stern wants it. the problem with that thinking is our window is opening and there window better be storm proofed

by bow4meow on Oct 27, 2008 7:58 PM PDT reply actions  

It had to be the poem & picture

I woke up with the old theme from “Zorro” going through my head – with revised lyrics.

“Out of the night, When the full moon is bright, Comes the horseman known as G.O.”

So I tried to think of theme music from other old westerns – (had to look up some to get the wording right)

"Smooth as the handle on a gun.
LaMarcus is the name.
Wild as the wind in Oregon,
Blowin’ up a canyon,
Easier to tame. " (Maverick)

“Set ’em out, ride ’em in
Ride ’em in, let ’em out,
Cut ’em out, ride ’em in, B-Roy!”

“Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’
Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’
Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’
B-Roy!” (Rawhide)

""I'm going to coach this team the best way I see fit. You can't rush it. You can't force it. When you force it, you end up losing, and I think you slow the growth down even more. There's a good chance we're going to go through rough times." - Nate McM 10/25/08

by jorga on Oct 28, 2008 10:39 AM PDT reply actions  

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