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100 reasons why the Blazers make the Playoffs...

Grey-1_tiny by cic on

1)  Greg Oden, as "underwhelming" as he is, cannot be covered by 90% of Western Conference centers.

2)  The additions of Oden, Rudy, Batum and Bayless make the Blazers the deepest team in the West.

3)  Coach McMillan has a diverse roster and can use varied line-ups to play any style necessary to win games.

4)  Roy is a year older, a year wiser and is ready to lead his team into the post season.

5)  Rudy has already impregnated 50% of Portland women with his mind... soon he will move onto the wives of the other teams, distracting the players and making it that much easier for him to dunk on them ...

7 recs | Comment 135 comments

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6)

Lamarcus Aldridge is underrated by other teams, and won’t realize they can’t stop with until they try and fail.

I am the master of my fate, I am the Captain of my soul. - Charles Wesley

by Earl on Oct 20, 2008 10:55 AM PDT   0 recs

That was only 5

5/100 is the same was 1/20. One is the number of Jarrett Jack and when divided by 20, the number of minutes Greg Oden has been getting in the preseason, we have a resultant of Jerryd Bayless (the result of Jack) minus Brandon Rush (our lottery pick we had to also give) divided by 13 pts and 5 rebounds a game (what oden is getting in those 20 mins)

In other words

JB – BR
——————-
13p + 5r

If we multiply this equation by (13p + 5r)/(13p + 5r), which is the same as one, aka Jarrett Jack, we end up with

(JB13p+JB5r) – (BR13p + BR5R) = 5/100, our original starting point..

In other words, math proves that Jerryd Bayless’ season is going to be more statistically productive than Brandon Rush’s, because Jerryd Bayless’ production multiplied by (13p+5r) is greater than Brandon Rush’s production when multiplied by (13p+5r).

In other words, math unequivocally proves Bayless > Rush.

But then we all knew that already, didn’t we?

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

by prezofdeath on Oct 20, 2008 10:57 AM PDT   0 recs

the "100"?..it's an organic thing

… and is supposed to grow and be nurtured by the good people here at Blazer’s Edge. You are obviously quite adept at math, so perhaps you can put those skills to good use by adding to the list?

I don’t like to hurt people, but my roundhouse is legendary

by cic on Oct 20, 2008 11:02 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

It was a tip of the hat to TIH and his

Quantum Mathematicalogical Reasoning Theorems he brings to the Bedge.

Read the TIH Breakdown and TIH statistical breakdown and you’ll understand why math skills are so important to Bedging.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

by prezofdeath on Oct 20, 2008 11:45 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

and it was awesome

… now I just need to know if the Blazers point differential this season can be quantified in order to discover the meaning of life.

I don’t like to hurt people, but my roundhouse is legendary

by cic on Oct 20, 2008 11:52 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Life is meaningful

Average per-game point differential of 8 western conference playoff teams during the 07-08 season:

L*kers: +7.3
Utah: +6.9
Phoenix: +5.0
New Orleans +5.3
San Antonio: +4.8
Houston: +4.7
Dallas: +4.5
Denver: +3.7

total – +42.2

  Dividing this number by 8, we get the average margin of victory (+5.275) among Western Conference playoff teams.

  Multiply this by the number of games in the season and divide by the number of fingers that Jack Palance had before his untimely death:

 (5.275)(82)/10 = 43.25

Divide again by the number of western conference playoff teams:

43.25/8 = 5.4

+5.4 > +5.275 (the average margin for 07/08 playoff teams)

  Findings: Blazers average margin of victory will be greater than the average of last years playoff teams = Blazers make the playoffs, and life is meaningful.

I don’t like to hurt people, but my roundhouse is legendary

by cic on Oct 20, 2008 1:14 PM PDT to parent up   2 recs

Beautiful....warrants tears of joy

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

by prezofdeath on Oct 20, 2008 1:24 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

42, the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything

Who knew it was also the per-game point differential of the western conference playoff teams?

Odenied: If you're given lemmings—make lemming-ade (Bow4Meow)

by Norsktroll on Oct 20, 2008 3:12 PM PDT to parent up   1 recs

Nice

There aren’t enough Douglas Adams references in the world.

Sergio will explode this year as the best NBA player ever and will take revenge impregnating all Portland and Blazers with the "chocolate" word.

-Almart1

by einman77 on Oct 20, 2008 9:57 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Exactly

You have to be superbly educated to understand the power of 42.

Maybe that’s why I appreciated Walt Williams so much.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

by prezofdeath on Oct 21, 2008 6:10 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

8) Blazers will have a better record than

a minimum of 7 other western conference teams

"Fez, the foundation of any good relationship is three little words: I-don't-know.

What're you doing? I don't know.

What're you thinking about? I don't know.

Who's that under you? I don't know. "
-Michael Kelso

by 92wastheyear on Oct 20, 2008 11:19 AM PDT   0 recs

9) Steve Blake

My mom babysat Paul Allen, no lie. Check the profile.

by shwa on Oct 20, 2008 11:33 AM PDT   0 recs

12.) Channing has the best % from the 3-point line for any PF in the league

When asked about his thoughts during the Olympic games about playing against Kobe Bryant and Dwight Howard, Rudy responded "My first thought was respect. My second thought was to kick their ass".

Man I love him.

by twiggs on Oct 20, 2008 11:41 AM PDT   0 recs

13) Outlaw will forgo his "20 shots a night" needs and be a force on the second unit.

I don’t like to hurt people, but my roundhouse is legendary

by cic on Oct 20, 2008 11:45 AM PDT   0 recs

15)

 Batum earns the starting 3 spot with outstanding play

"It was halfway through the fourth quarter of an exhibition game, a 30 point blowout, and I absolutely did not want it to end. Time: move slower so this moment stretches.

Dunk Parade.

Forever."

-Ben

"...our second unit is probably going to be a little better than your second unit…and by "probably going to be a little better than" I mean "is going to crush like a dump truck running over an empty beer can""

"YOU MOVE NOW! GREG DUNK BIG!"

-Dave

by Magnum on Oct 20, 2008 12:10 PM PDT   0 recs

here here!

I am the master of my fate, I am the Captain of my soul. - Charles Wesley

by Earl on Oct 22, 2008 11:07 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

17)

Oden b*tch slaps Jason Quick’s “Underwhelming” article with dominant play for the rest of the season!

by EazyRider on Oct 20, 2008 12:29 PM PDT   2 recs

19) The newly elected president attempts to engratiate himself with other nations

by making sure Rudy Fernandez gets all the calls and that Alm1mart reports good things back to Spain.

I'm a really really ridiculously good looking orange mocha frappaccino drinking manhammer sandwich

by hobobob on Oct 20, 2008 12:40 PM PDT   0 recs

20) Pryzbilla comes off the bench and averages 10 rpg and 2 bpg

and he b*tch slaps K*be at some point in the season

21) Bayless posterizes somebody

by 50backflips on Oct 20, 2008 12:58 PM PDT   0 recs

20) The garden will shake every night when the blazers play

And teams will quake at playing portland in our house.

by premthegrem on Oct 20, 2008 12:58 PM PDT   0 recs

21) Rose Garden becomes Enzie Arena

After that, teams less willing to body up on the Blazers while defending.

Eh, howzit, brah. You get any da kine?

by tominhawaii on Oct 20, 2008 1:11 PM PDT   0 recs

Dang it, Enzite Arena

Eh, howzit, brah. You get any da kine?

by tominhawaii on Oct 20, 2008 1:11 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Nah, just an occasional Comedy Central watcher.

I think that means I’ve seen about 1,000,000,000,000 enzyte commercials.

Word.

by joelor on Oct 21, 2008 1:55 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

25) Roy Makes his 2nd All Star team

As a starter

I'm a little confused by your tactics

by oderiferous emanations 74 on Oct 20, 2008 1:24 PM PDT   0 recs

26) Our bench is the deepest in the league

Most starting units are terrified to go up against them

When asked about his thoughts during the Olympic games about playing against Kobe Bryant and Dwight Howard, Rudy responded "My first thought was respect. My second thought was to kick their ass".

Man I love him.

by twiggs on Oct 20, 2008 1:32 PM PDT   0 recs

27)

we have the hottest backup SF

28) we have Kevin Pritchard

29) we have Paul Allen’s Money

30) We have the Rose Garden

Sophia

"Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcreaft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians. [speech at GOP Presidential Convention 1992] Rev. Pat Robertson

by BlazerFan1 on Oct 20, 2008 1:50 PM PDT   0 recs

*starting* SF, at least for tonight

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

by prezofdeath on Oct 20, 2008 3:01 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I <3 Travis, too :)

Odenied: If you're given lemmings—make lemming-ade (Bow4Meow)

by Norsktroll on Oct 20, 2008 3:14 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

32) we have ex Sonic fans converted to Blazer fans.

by CanadianBlazerfan on Oct 20, 2008 3:45 PM PDT   0 recs

Former Sonic fans

They don’t like to be called “ex.”

Eh, howzit, brah. You get any da kine?

by tominhawaii on Oct 20, 2008 4:00 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

33) Unselfishness

aka, Blazer Basketball.

It's officially been coined: "Decade of Dominance" (D.O.D.)

by LaoTzu on Oct 20, 2008 4:03 PM PDT   0 recs

34) Do it for Boo-Boo

because the spirit of Kevin Jerome Duckworth will be watching over them.

I don’t like to hurt people, but my roundhouse is legendary

by cic on Oct 20, 2008 4:40 PM PDT   0 recs

+1

The Duck is strong with this team.

by DonkeyShins on Oct 22, 2008 8:03 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

35) Dave predicted it last year

and we all know anything Dave predicts, happens

by Gargen on Oct 20, 2008 6:37 PM PDT   0 recs

except the production of joel pryzbilla

After we got Greg Oden, he said Joel would put up 6 fouls in 6 minutes a game last year…something to that extent.

I think it’ll be at least 7 more seasons down the road before Joel is even close to being that type of player. I think he’s got plenty left in the tank.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

by prezofdeath on Oct 21, 2008 5:53 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

36) Greg Oden causes Shaquille O'neal to retire.... after a 120-80 thrashing of the suns

Or something like that…

Michael....Tell them what they've won!!!!!!!....... *iinsert reference to a baseketball game*

by Blazerhopeful on Oct 20, 2008 6:47 PM PDT   0 recs

37) Opposing players, afraid to be embarrassed by Rudy, start defending with their legs together

Making a good defensive stance all but impossible.

Travis Outlaw is an alien, but in a good way.

Awesome Graphic was provided by CIC, because he felt like he should be hazed.

by Clevelander among roses on Oct 20, 2008 7:30 PM PDT   2 recs

LOL

They ought to get their butt lower.

The most amazing thing about my amazing ego is I have amazingly little about which to be egotistical.
The pick and roll this year will emphasize "roll" followed by "dunk", followed by the wailings and lamentations of your women.

by jscot on Oct 21, 2008 3:16 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

38) Ron Artest goes crazier during a Rockets-Mavs game and takes out Josh Howard and Dirk,

Simultaneously destroying two teams, leaving the Blazers with the 5th seed, behind the L@kers, Hornets, Jazz, and Spurs (not necessarily in that order)

Travis Outlaw is an alien, but in a good way.

Awesome Graphic was provided by CIC, because he felt like he should be hazed.

by Clevelander among roses on Oct 20, 2008 7:34 PM PDT   0 recs

39) Ike Diogu becomes the version of Zach Randolph that tries to defend and pass

Travis Outlaw is an alien, but in a good way.

Awesome Graphic was provided by CIC, because he felt like he should be hazed.

by Clevelander among roses on Oct 20, 2008 7:37 PM PDT   0 recs

40) Our inter-squad scrimmages features better basketball & more talent than a typical Nuggets-Golden State game

Travis Outlaw is an alien, but in a good way.

Awesome Graphic was provided by CIC, because he felt like he should be hazed.

by Clevelander among roses on Oct 20, 2008 7:40 PM PDT   0 recs

Damn it ! I missed # 41 by a whisker !

43. Steven Hill’s beard.

It's GO time !

by walkoff41 on Oct 20, 2008 9:59 PM PDT   0 recs

45. Raef

Never underestimate all the good karma we gather from paying such a nice guy to stay at home with his family.

by jjustgo on Oct 20, 2008 10:41 PM PDT   0 recs

that's awesome

i feel so much better about it now

My mom babysat Paul Allen, no lie. Check the profile.

by shwa on Oct 20, 2008 11:32 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

46. Seattle fans cheer us to victory

If only to send a 2-city-sized b*tchslap to David Stern and Clay Bennett.

The inbound to McGinnis, drives, stops, pumps, shoots, short, no good...AND THE GAME IS OVER! ~ Bill Schonely

by SandbergOnSports on Oct 20, 2008 10:54 PM PDT   0 recs

48. Rudy catches fire and scores 40 points in at least five different games during the season.

Leading to Nate McMillan saying, “Well, Rudy Fernandez just showed us we can go to Rudy Fernandez.”

by Cablinasian on Oct 20, 2008 11:06 PM PDT   0 recs

We have cap space

The most amazing thing about my amazing ego is I have amazingly little about which to be egotistical.
The pick and roll this year will emphasize "roll" followed by "dunk", followed by the wailings and lamentations of your women.

by jscot on Oct 21, 2008 3:18 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

I think he means physical space

e.g. on the court.

Need to work on attention to detail and inferrence core competencies before you can truly rule the world. ;-)

by DonkeyShins on Oct 22, 2008 8:05 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Really?

Wow. I never would have guessed he meant that. ;-)

Attention to detail? Naw, I’m a big picture kind of guy.

Want to be my “Details Minister”? The job hasn’t been filled yet.

The most amazing thing about my amazing ego is I have amazingly little about which to be egotistical.
The pick and roll this year will emphasize "roll" followed by "dunk", followed by the wailings and lamentations of your women.

by jscot on Oct 22, 2008 1:54 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

Now that you mention it.

I was hoping for First Secretary of the Obvious. Fits more with my skill set. :-P

by DonkeyShins on Oct 23, 2008 5:08 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

LOL

The most amazing thing about my amazing ego is I have amazingly little about which to be egotistical.
The pick and roll this year will emphasize "roll" followed by "dunk", followed by the wailings and lamentations of your women.

by jscot on Oct 24, 2008 12:23 AM PDT to parent up   0 recs

50. Twin Towers Part Deux

Channing Frye and Joel Przybilla the 4/5 combination that’s way better than whatever your team has coming off the bench.

Halfway there…

by FlyingOutlaw on Oct 20, 2008 11:39 PM PDT   0 recs

51. We will have 4/5 of the All Rookie 1st Team

All Rookie 1st Team
Rudy
Oden
Batum
Bayless
that OJ Mustard or Miracle Whip or whatever guy with the Grizz.

And Steven Hill will get enough PT to get a nod for third team!

Rip City. can't be stopped. 09.

by BlazinTrails on Oct 21, 2008 1:20 AM PDT   0 recs

A crowd in Spain goes out in parade and stops the whole nation showing support to the Blazers.

A few ones take advantage of the situation to do their siesta, to watch soccer and bullfighting.

Sergio + Rudy = 16
Sergio + Bayless = 16
Batum 8+8=16

by amlmart1 on Oct 21, 2008 8:03 AM PDT   0 recs

55) because the #55...

was Kiki Vendeweghe’s jersey number when he played with the Blazers. Kiki was like… good… and stuff, so the Blazers will be like… good… and stuff this year too. (pretty lame, I know… but at this point we won’t reach “100 Reasons” until sometime in mid-January.)

I don’t like to hurt people, but my roundhouse is legendary

by cic on Oct 21, 2008 1:49 PM PDT   0 recs

Wow

You’ve read them all and know this for a fact?

The most amazing thing about my amazing ego is I have amazingly little about which to be egotistical.
The pick and roll this year will emphasize "roll" followed by "dunk", followed by the wailings and lamentations of your women.

by jscot on Oct 22, 2008 1:55 PM PDT to parent up   0 recs

58) Because Donaghy's bookies bet on the Blazers this year

"Why would we lie to ourselves dude?"
"Be excellent to each other."
"All we are is dust in the wind, dude."
"Strange things are afoot at the Circle K."

The Wisdom of Bill S Preston Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan

by GreatOden'sRaven on Oct 21, 2008 3:47 PM PDT   0 recs

59) Because Nate McMillan grows a mustache

"It was like some sort of crazy torture in the movies. How do people do that so long without taking a breath? I think my ears are still ringing."
-Adrian Peterson, describing Autzen