Secret Stern Memo (humor)

In light of the recent scandal, fallout, and criticism concerning the refs and the league, David Stern has been looking to polish up the league's image through charity works.  I have managed to obtain a memo from Stern listing which ideas he wouldn't touch with a 10ft (Manute) Bol.

Without further ado:  The top ten rejected basketball-related charity ideas!

(Note: This was something I wrote during the predraft doldrums here at Blazersedge.  I thought now was a good time to update it.)

Number ten: Dave's Blazersedge cyber swear jar  
"Breaking decorum for a good cause since 2006!"

Number nine: Darius Miles' bi-weekly barbeque and dessert trough

UPDATE: not so true anymore, so...
Alternate Number Nine: Danny Ainge's Last Stand Casino and Resort ("Uh, Mr. Ainge?  Did I get three cherries or three lemons?  I can't tell.")

Number eight: Shawn Kemp's "have your pets spayed or neutered" campaign

Number seven: NO/OK Hornet's individual player's childrens hospital visit, OR: NOOKie for kids!  (for Quality Pie)

Update: a bit too insiderish for those not familiar with the (now enormous amount of) posters on Blazersedge
Alternate #7: Daniel Gibson's $1-a-hug booth.  "Come squeeze some Boobie!  Fun for the whole family!"

Number six: "Good day sir or madam, my name is Tim, and I'm with Boy scout troup 637.  Could I interest you in some thin mints, oatmeal cookies, or perhaps the Kevin Durant home bench press kit?"

Numero Cinco: 20 cents on the dollar to muscular dystrophy for every tube of Greg Oden anti-aging cream sold.  "Helping you stay looking twice your age all day every day"

Number four: Jon Barry's amateur GM camp

Update: more of an in-the-moment joke
Alternate #4 Yi Jianlan's Public Relations School.  "If you've never alienated the beer and bratwurst part of America, you haven't lived!"

Number three: Sir Charles and His Airness present Slots for Tots!

Number........TWO: The Bill Walton Playgirl pictorial, for the curious Blazer fan who has always wondered "how much red hair does he REALLY have?"

and the number one rejected basketball-related charity idea:

Tim Duncan's celebrity Dungeons and Dragons tournament
"Merlin wants YOU!"

Update: D&D tourney refreshments provided by Donaghy catering.  You'll love our spreads, and you'll be baa-baa-back to our shaving table for our roast lamb.  Don't gamble on some other catering service, gamble on Donaghy's catering service!

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