In light of the recent scandal, fallout, and criticism concerning the refs and the league, David Stern has been looking to polish up the league's image through charity works. I have managed to obtain a memo from Stern listing which ideas he wouldn't touch with a 10ft (Manute) Bol.
Without further ado: The top ten rejected basketball-related charity ideas!
(Note: This was something I wrote during the predraft doldrums here at Blazersedge. I thought now was a good time to update it.)
Number ten: Dave's Blazersedge cyber swear jar
"Breaking decorum for a good cause since 2006!"
Number nine: Darius Miles' bi-weekly barbeque and dessert trough
UPDATE: not so true anymore, so...
Alternate Number Nine: Danny Ainge's Last Stand Casino and Resort ("Uh, Mr. Ainge? Did I get three cherries or three lemons? I can't tell.")
Number eight: Shawn Kemp's "have your pets spayed or neutered" campaign
Number seven: NO/OK Hornet's individual player's childrens hospital visit, OR: NOOKie for kids! (for Quality Pie)
Update: a bit too insiderish for those not familiar with the (now enormous amount of) posters on Blazersedge
Alternate #7: Daniel Gibson's $1-a-hug booth. "Come squeeze some Boobie! Fun for the whole family!"
Number six: "Good day sir or madam, my name is Tim, and I'm with Boy scout troup 637. Could I interest you in some thin mints, oatmeal cookies, or perhaps the Kevin Durant home bench press kit?"
Numero Cinco: 20 cents on the dollar to muscular dystrophy for every tube of Greg Oden anti-aging cream sold. "Helping you stay looking twice your age all day every day"
Number four: Jon Barry's amateur GM camp
Update: more of an in-the-moment joke
Alternate #4 Yi Jianlan's Public Relations School. "If you've never alienated the beer and bratwurst part of America, you haven't lived!"
Number three: Sir Charles and His Airness present Slots for Tots!
Number........TWO: The Bill Walton Playgirl pictorial, for the curious Blazer fan who has always wondered "how much red hair does he REALLY have?"
and the number one rejected basketball-related charity idea:
Tim Duncan's celebrity Dungeons and Dragons tournament
"Merlin wants YOU!"
Update: D&D tourney refreshments provided by Donaghy catering. You'll love our spreads, and you'll be baa-baa-back to our shaving table for our roast lamb. Don't gamble on some other catering service, gamble on Donaghy's catering service!